While reading Karen Armstrong’s bestseller, The Case for God, I was fascinated to find she lived as a nun in an old school convent early in her life. Enjoying her writing style and refreshing thoughts on religion—and curious to learn more about the events that shaped them—I picked up Through the Narrow Gate, her deeply reflective memoir, chronicling the seven brutal years she spent as a Catholic nun.

On September 14th, 1962, a young and naïve Armstrong made a decision that would change her life forever. At just 17, she decided to become a nun, pledging herself completely to God, and choosing to leave her family and forgo all future pleasures of the secular world. Due to the antiquated and uncompromising practices in the convent at the time, the passion, energy, and intelligence Armstrong began her religious journey with were quickly and deliberately beat out of her.

During her time in the convent, there were rumors circulating that the strict practices ordered by the religious superiors were soon to give way to a mellower style that better suited modern living. This made the superiors, who were accustomed to the old disciplines and resistant to change, much harsher in their temperaments and enforcement. As Armstrong’s inability to dull her mind and emotions remained, and resistance to irrational rituals grew, her direct superiors became increasingly abusive, and her mental wellbeing and physical health worse. Seven years into the religious life, she suffered a full mental collapse, and utterly broken and defeated, decided to leave the convent.

As the memoir progresses, Armstrong does a great job showing the slow dissolution of her psych and the systematic way in which the convent destroys it. It is sad to watch as a young girl so full of life and intelligence, with such an honorable desire and commitment to serve God, becomes so lost and depressed, living in a constant state of despair.

Through the cruel practices of her superiors, Armstrong’s relationship with God shared many of the same characteristics as an emotionally abusive domestic relationship. Those who have experienced long term emotional abuse, whether through bullying, relationships, or childhood maltreatment, may find similarities between Armstrong’s slow decline into confusion and anguish with that of their own.

I’d recommend this memoir to anyone curious about old school catholic customs, or to those interested in diving into the psych of a victim of long term abuse. To find out how she adapted to secular life after leaving the convent, read, The Spiral Staircase, her second memoir.